In the Midst of This Chaos, Will You Surrender What You Want in Life? Don't You Dare.

I tried out for cheerleading 13 times. Twice a year from eighth grade through my freshman year in college before football and basketball tryouts for the cheerleading squad, I practiced kicks, splits, and the spread eagle. I thought I was good. I was not chosen.

Give up? It never occurred to me so long as there was opportunity. Plus, in comparison to other school endeavors – like campaigning for Secretary of the Student Council or vying for a spot on the debate team – nothing grabbed me as much as the idea of wearing a letter sweater and a cute pleated skirt for Friday’s pep rally day.

I wanted to be a cheerleader simple as that. I wanted it a lot.

In the fall of my sophomore year at Eastern Kentucky State College, I headed across campus to the stadium for tryouts only to be intercepted by my fiancé in front of the Student Union Building. He told me if I tried out for cheerleading, he wanted his ring back.

I put my pompom under my arm and took that ring off faster than you could yell, “Go Team Go.”

Two hours later when my name was called, it was a bullhorn moment. I finally got what I wanted. I cheered for one season before I married the man who gave the ring back to me.

Do I apply all that resolve to get what I want now that life has slowed to a crawl? California is on fire, the economy is in a hole, evictions are up, the pandemic continues and our politics are wild.

In the thick of this, even a grocery run is daunting. To think about my life and what I want for my future? Seems foolish.

But, it is not.

Determining desires for our future is the work in front of us - along with surviving and staying safe.

Am I proud I had to try out 13 times before I got what I wanted? Not really. But I am proud to say I “gave it my best shot.”

That’s a phrase I recall using when husband number Two asked me to marry him over 35 years ago. It sounded like this: “I don’t think this is going to work. But I’ll give it my best shot.”

And I still do.

The Old Backbone

The best advice I ever received for moving forward in the middle of a mess happened over lunch with a seasoned, experienced entrepreneur. After I lamented my loss of current business income in the middle of an economic downturn, he laughed. “Barbara, the goal is not to make money this year. The goal is to stay in business.”

Let’s apply that piece of wisdom to today. The goal is not to live an extraordinary life, but to stay in life. To stay in life means to keep a future vibrant and alive.

Some of us have lowered our daily dreams to something small like a bubble bath, or have found solace in zoom cocktail hours. Neither are bad approaches to getting the most out of life as we know it now.

We live life the best that we can.

But let’s be careful. Studies indicate that personal growth and purpose in life are lower in the older age group 65-80 than at any other time of life. Adding an altered, confined lifestyle to lowered expectations is dangerous. We can shake confidence in ourselves and the determination to shape a future.

What do you see in your future? Stop for a second and listen to what’s going on in your head. Pair small things up against large endeavors.

What do you hear?

I believe understanding what you want in life is imperative. Despite unforeseen circumstances that command us to be safe, we can and must stay in life.

The field of vision to nurture our spirits is not the path we are on, but the horizon we can create.

Now that life is narrow, it is easier to plod through the day, be stoic and thankful and not wish for much. It is not in my nature to sit back and let life just happen; neither is it in my nature to settle for what I’ve got which has been suggested more than a few times.

Not try to get what I want? Not a mantra of mine.

Hope and motivation are spurred in desires for our future.

A Peek at What I Want. Shared to Inspire What You Might Want.

My wants today aren’t dressed up in a letter sweater or another big zoomba career. They may seem small or silly (as you will see.) But what I covet in the last third of life and in this unexpected moment in time, is just as noteworthy as the seemingly shinier goals of the past. Perhaps because time is running out and life is modified to extremes, I should forgo calculating my longings and settle for a lesser life. Fat chance.

I have a lot of things I want for me and my life. Like right now, I want my straight teeth back. So let’s start there.

I am on my fourth week of wearing Invisalign trays to correct my slightly crooked bottom teeth plus a top one that is trying hard to get out of line. Years after extensive orthodontic work in my teens, the darn teeth start moving. I want my teeth straight.

My family says this is foolish. “Mom, really? You can hardly tell.” “Mom, you’re going to turn 75.” “It’s okay if they’re crooked.”

John, my well-educated-performance-arts son-in-law, does a spectacular routine of a person awkwardly removing the trays including the clicking sounds. We roar with laughter. Lucy Mei, 6, is brutal in her honesty. “GG, they make your breath stink.”

When my husband finds out that my habitual snacking can’t happen during the year I wear the trays, he is matter of fact. “You are going to be miserable. Maybe a long trip is in order.”

People will say you should be happy with what you’ve got. Well, I feel blessed that I have all my teeth. But I’ll be much happier when they are straight.

Barbara’s Want List includes recent happenings, a couple of dashed dreams and some that I have painfully concluded will never happen. Just so you are not disappointed, the list doesn’t include World Peace, a better economy, vaccine for the virus or an end to unrelenting, emotionally draining bad news.

I believe small things make a difference and mine are well thought out, have traction and are plump with anticipation.

                           Barbara’s Want List

I want a garden. (maybe next year)

I want each grandchild, separately, for a summer week. (made it happen, will do again)

I want more deep friendships in my life. (working on it)

I want to build a house in the mountains. (not going to happen)

I want to live again in San Miguel. (a 2022 thing)

I want to go live in Northern Spain and Portugal. (maybe 2023)

I want a ponytail again. (maybe. Still thinking on this one.)

I want to publish a book. (working on it)

I want more hats. (yep)

I want a Tahitian black pearl necklace. (pricey! Not happening soon.)

I want … well enough of me.

Oh, come on. Am I the only one who wants things in my life?

(I sure as hell hope not.) 

Dashed Dreams

I hate not getting what I want. Be honest, you hate not getting what you want too. Unless of course, you’ve lowered your expectations to ground level so there are zero wants or smacked yourself up the side of the head with an adult cliché.

This one comes to mind. “You can’t have everything thing you want.” So why try? You’re only going to be disappointed.

Turns out to be true. You’ll be disappointed.

Liam, my 8-year-old grandson is enthusiastic about RC (remote controlled) monster trucks. With his new RC truck held tight and the remote charged, we head out to King Cobra of Florida and stop in the hobby store - a wonderland of RC dreams - for directions to the outdoor track. Nathan, a young man with 9 years’ experience in burning rubber by remote control, shows us around. I ask him to show me what might be the next good purchase for Liam as he learns. Nathan recites the specs of his two recommendations as Liam’s eyes grow large and glow as he stares at the neon monster truck images on the boxes.

Turns out the track is flooded. Still we imagine what it might be like to jump and roll his truck.

As I turn my car out of the track area and begin to pass the front door of the store, there’s an urgent message from the backseat.

Wait GG! Where are you going? 

Home.

But we have to go back into the store.

Why?

GG, I want one of those new RC trucks. I mean I really want it. I really neeeeed it. It will help me get better.

Liam didn’t cry or get angry when I told him he wasn’t getting one. I pointed out that there was plenty to learn using the new monster truck in his lap.

Did this make sense to him? Who knows? With our eyes locked in the rear-view mirror we are also locked in silence. Then, in a quiet, full-of-feeling voice he said, “I’m disappointed, GG”

Three hours later after supper he looks over at me as a new Disney Trolls episode loads on Netflix and says. “I’m still disappointed.”

Want something. Don’t get it. Disappointed. I doubt this 8-year-old’s disappointment feels less intense than mine or yours.

But I’ll share that it’s small-scale disappointment compared to the one you’ll have when you reach the ceiling of life on your way to heaven and you didn’t even try to get what you want.

The Magic Time for Deferring Dreams

Just what is the magic time for stopping to shake things up and try to get what you want? There’s not one. At least that’s my Uncle Bill’s take.

My Uncle Bill, 99, broke his hip and ended up in rehab for 6 weeks. During that time the stubble on his face produced a faint mustache. He cultivated it. Said he liked that handsome, manly-man in the mirror.

My first picture of Uncle Bill with a mustache was a jolt. “Does my Uncle Bill have a mustache now?” I text his daughter. Yep.

Turns out Uncle Bill had a mustache when he was 50-something and Garnetta, his wife, hated it. The daughters have funny stories of Dad chasing their squealing mother around the house for a kiss. Looking into that mirror at 99, he resuscitates the fancy of sporting a mustache and leaps into his future. What a spirited fella. Love my Uncle Bill.

Life is good for many of us. We say this all the time. “Life is good.”

Don’t let that be too comfortable. Comfort breeds complacency. Complacency often masquerades for happiness.

Change is life. Grow your want list. Cultivate your aspirations.

Muy Pronto

Pretty soon, life will come to us in a different way - a better way. The election will be over, a vaccine will prevail, you’ll hug your friends and get to go through airport security. You’ll get on with life and thrive.

But pretty soon - like now - make certain to give life your best shot because time moves on even in crazy times.

It’s your life. It will be over before you know it. Do the arithmetic.

I expect great things from you.

Go Team Go

Thank you for taking your time to read and support my work. Special thanks to all of you who continue to forward posts. I appreciate that! I invite you to join the conversation. Love to hear what you are thinking. - Barbara

All Photos by B. Pagano